Saturday, November 03, 2007 ; 4:25 PMY
i am lost in you
yup, was just reflecting on the past few years and even now. i guess i can't help but wonder why....
1) why i never seem good enough?
2) why everyone still thinks i'm filthy rich..it has gotta stop someday when they finally take a
step back to see the whole picture.
3) why is it that no matter how hard i try, i don't get to have those experiences that i
crave for so badly.
4) why is it that i can never excel in something PROPERLY...and not drop halfway.
5) why is it that i'm always in the background..and if i might add, STUCK THERE.
damn, this like applies to every aspect in my life. it has always been this way. why can't anyone see. i know this really sounds like i'm having some self sympathy kind of issues going on. it doesn't have anything to do with that really. i'm trying, i really am. its just that... sometimes, i wanna be told that i'm good.. not just average... not just always at that borderline mark. i'm sick of it. i know i can do it, i know i can improve... but it seems like no matter how much i do, i always feel rather inferior in a way. others simply walk in and get everything, they just become a "somebody"(well, i don't know how else to put it). maybe i'm just being overly conscious about this. This may sound like some kinda attention-seeking/selfish comment but, i guess sometimes i want the spotlight too. its just me, my goal, its something i set my sights on. after all, everyone has something they want. its not that i want it all the time, is it wrong to want to feel what it's like? some people walk in and they just have it. the X factor that makes everyone respect them, or whatever you may call it. they get looked up upon at least. going by day after day and not being acknowledged at all for what you can give or what you've done. it really does suck to be over-looked all the time..........
arg! ok...there! a very very selfish post. but i've just been feeling this way for awhile now. just had to bitch about it...hah! my seemingly over-attention seeking post... well, i don't really mind about what others may think of it since i'm used to people judging me without taking a second look. it is human nature after all...