Monday, July 16, 2007 ; 4:48 PMY
i am lost in you
i glad, cause now i know.
but somehow, i still wish i didn't have to face it.
i never wanted it to become like this.
its like, just when i see the finish line,
and all it took was just 5 minutes to bring me back to square one again.
why......
why???
its like being torn up inside.
a big part of me feels like i don't have the strength to stand up to this anymore.
yet, there's this nagging little bit of me thats still trying to find a loophole in this,
a way that could make me accept everything.
all i need is just a tiny ray of hope. someone to tell me its gonna be okay.
i feel so lost,
happy, yet sad, yet angry and yet disappointed. its to the point that i feel i've lost everything in a flash.
now all i feel is nothing.
or rather, i don't know what to feel anymore.
maybe its good that i'm numb to it all.
yet, images just keep flashing through my mind.
i want to look at you the way i used to...i truly do.
i loved that the most.
but now, it hurts every time that i do because all i see are those images.
and it hurts dammit!
i really do want to erase it all, but it just won't go away.
i don't even know why i tear for, it won't stop every time i look at or think of you.
i can't stop the images from appearing, and it just gets more painful each time.
i'm scared,
its scary when ur numb in situations like this
so tell me, what should i be feeling huh?
what should i do?
i feel so lost and confused.
i never saw it coming.
please help me... help me understand.
cause i'm feeling really unstable as of now.
as far as i know, there is only one thing i am sure of now.
and that is that i don't want to see you cry, i never did like seeing you like that.
it just adds on to what i have to deal with now.
so the only logical thing i've to do is to comfort you.
regardless of what i feel.
you need to be stronger than this.
it won't do you any good to just sit there crying, you should know that by now.
help me...just help me.
i need to know how to deal with this.
its falling apart, everything is.
........starting with me.