Tuesday, July 17, 2007 ; 12:36 PMY
i am lost in you
it hurts.
i need someone now.
i want to be held again.
by only you.
i need to be embraced ever so warmly now.
this is when i need it the most.
but now, of what used to be that safe and warm place,
all i can see are thorns.
forbidding me from coming close.
forbidding me from coming close to the one thing that would make me feel better.
forbidding me from the one place and the one thing i feel i need most.
this insecurity is too overwhelming.
the headaches won't stop.
please tell me it was all a joke.
tell me its a bad dream that i'll wake up from soon.
cause its the worst i've ever felt.
you promised...
just a few weeks back.
that you'd never hurt me.
but still, i want to be near you.
though it hurts more and more each time i try to get close.
i can't see that guy who made me so happy.
i can't mend myself like before.
i don't want to see those images anymore.
but they still won't stop, even in my dreams.
you were my pillar of support.
but its broken now.
i never had a backup plan for it, cause i never thought it'd fade.
you're crying, but i can't deal with that now.
i don't have the strength to anymore, even if i wanted to.
you were my world.
to let it all fall apart like that, its like ripping me in half really.
but still, i keep coming back.
because i want to see that person again.
cause he's the only one that could make me feel better though it hurts me to even look at him.
i still feel its a dream, a really bad one. a nightmare come true as many call it.
how could this have happened?
i'm fucking confused.
i wasn't the only one... was i?
even if we weren't like this 2 years back.
why is it hurting this much?
i was not supposed to feel anything for this.
it was none of my business!
it was 2 years ago. but it seems like just yesterday.
it feels like i just got hit hard on the head, its pounding.
it feels like i'm breaking up so much inside.
how much longer can i possibly hold up...
even if i'm still fighting to see that part of you.