Tuesday, July 31, 2007 ; 9:20 PMY
i am lost in you
so school officially starts tomorrow.. though it doesn't really seem like it cause i'll start off going to school for 3 days at 3 hours each. lol..not much to fret about, so yay for me :) another thing to look forward o in weeks to come, KL trip during the national day week. in fact we're leaving on national day itself, talk about being patriotic, oh well! lol.. and when i get back, its BBQ TIME!!! woohoo! haha.. aight can't blog much now. off to help john with a couple of stuff.. :P
Saturday, July 28, 2007 ; 5:08 PMY
i am lost in you
simpsons movie yesterday!!! :) trust me, its like the epitomy of stupidity. well, i guess thats what made it so darn funny. john couldn't stop laughing, thats for sure, he was probably the loudest of the lot. lol. ate those yummy hotdogs at plaza singapura again, but for lunch this time.i tell you i'm definitely addicted to em. it makes you wonder if the people working there actually get hotdogs for their meals. talking bout the hotdogs only make me crave for them more, so moving on!!! went to the istana park after the movie to talk. well, i guess it was good. i mean, it really helps both of us alot. so all in all, a simple and relaxing day out. :) i really did enjoy myself :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007 ; 12:36 PMY
i am lost in you
it hurts.
i need someone now.
i want to be held again.
by only you.
i need to be embraced ever so warmly now.
this is when i need it the most.
but now, of what used to be that safe and warm place,
all i can see are thorns.
forbidding me from coming close.
forbidding me from coming close to the one thing that would make me feel better.
forbidding me from the one place and the one thing i feel i need most.
this insecurity is too overwhelming.
the headaches won't stop.
please tell me it was all a joke.
tell me its a bad dream that i'll wake up from soon.
cause its the worst i've ever felt.
you promised...
just a few weeks back.
that you'd never hurt me.
but still, i want to be near you.
though it hurts more and more each time i try to get close.
i can't see that guy who made me so happy.
i can't mend myself like before.
i don't want to see those images anymore.
but they still won't stop, even in my dreams.
you were my pillar of support.
but its broken now.
i never had a backup plan for it, cause i never thought it'd fade.
you're crying, but i can't deal with that now.
i don't have the strength to anymore, even if i wanted to.
you were my world.
to let it all fall apart like that, its like ripping me in half really.
but still, i keep coming back.
because i want to see that person again.
cause he's the only one that could make me feel better though it hurts me to even look at him.
i still feel its a dream, a really bad one. a nightmare come true as many call it.
how could this have happened?
i'm fucking confused.
i wasn't the only one... was i?
even if we weren't like this 2 years back.
why is it hurting this much?
i was not supposed to feel anything for this.
it was none of my business!
it was 2 years ago. but it seems like just yesterday.
it feels like i just got hit hard on the head, its pounding.
it feels like i'm breaking up so much inside.
how much longer can i possibly hold up...
even if i'm still fighting to see that part of you.
Monday, July 16, 2007 ; 4:48 PMY
i am lost in you
i glad, cause now i know.
but somehow, i still wish i didn't have to face it.
i never wanted it to become like this.
its like, just when i see the finish line,
and all it took was just 5 minutes to bring me back to square one again.
why......
why???
its like being torn up inside.
a big part of me feels like i don't have the strength to stand up to this anymore.
yet, there's this nagging little bit of me thats still trying to find a loophole in this,
a way that could make me accept everything.
all i need is just a tiny ray of hope. someone to tell me its gonna be okay.
i feel so lost,
happy, yet sad, yet angry and yet disappointed. its to the point that i feel i've lost everything in a flash.
now all i feel is nothing.
or rather, i don't know what to feel anymore.
maybe its good that i'm numb to it all.
yet, images just keep flashing through my mind.
i want to look at you the way i used to...i truly do.
i loved that the most.
but now, it hurts every time that i do because all i see are those images.
and it hurts dammit!
i really do want to erase it all, but it just won't go away.
i don't even know why i tear for, it won't stop every time i look at or think of you.
i can't stop the images from appearing, and it just gets more painful each time.
i'm scared,
its scary when ur numb in situations like this
so tell me, what should i be feeling huh?
what should i do?
i feel so lost and confused.
i never saw it coming.
please help me... help me understand.
cause i'm feeling really unstable as of now.
as far as i know, there is only one thing i am sure of now.
and that is that i don't want to see you cry, i never did like seeing you like that.
it just adds on to what i have to deal with now.
so the only logical thing i've to do is to comfort you.
regardless of what i feel.
you need to be stronger than this.
it won't do you any good to just sit there crying, you should know that by now.
help me...just help me.
i need to know how to deal with this.
its falling apart, everything is.
........starting with me.
Friday, July 13, 2007 ; 11:15 PMY
i am lost in you
yup. the title says it all.. had a lovely day with baby. a long awaited one actually. met him for lunch in the afternoon then went back to his house to just chill out. it was really relaxing. well, its something we both needed i suppose. oh yea :) ben and jerry's for me today.lol.. decided i should spoil myself just a lil with a tub of chocolate fudge brownie :p mmmmmmmm...my favourite.. but i still think island creamery's is better though.. cheaper too.. hmmm..nvm..when school starts i suppose it'll be easier to just pop by to buy some. heh heh.. :P went to bishan to catch some harry pothead at 7 after my driving. theatre full of kids! which kinda sucked because they can get pretty noisy and annoying at times. anyways, the movie was alright i guess.not too impressed. or maybe its just because i'm feel really exhausted today. more of lethargic i think. just got home from the movie. the bed's really tempting. lol. oh well, gotta wash up first :)
but all in all, happy happy day for me :) hmmmm...outing with min and sze next week i hope.. c'mon you two!! pick a date!!! :) shall we go food hunting too ?? food food food!!! heard there's this new cheese fondue thingy at pizza hut.heard its nice. min??? you reading this ??!!! lol.. lets all try k??? :)
bye bye now :)
Tuesday, July 10, 2007 ; 9:30 PMY
i am lost in you
SIM orientation today from 9am to 2pm... yup.. "freshies" as they call us. sounds disgusting but thats how it is for now. crashed the orientation today actually, since i didn't get my package on time.. stupid uni sent it yesterday morning and i got it when i reached home today. lol. oh well. so guess i'll be going down to SIM again tomorrow to pass them back the form before they decide to send it back to me late again. gonna settle the tons of bills for the course too... man, it really does cost a bomb. super exhausted today too.. so i ain't gonna type no more.
Friday, July 06, 2007 ; 11:30 PMY
i am lost in you
lunch with min and john at kovan.
work after that.
terrible day.
whats new?
yup, that sums it all up.
i thought i knew.
i thought you understood.
i guess i was wrong,
guess i was just asking for too much once again.
selfish, yea thats me... its gotta be me.
cause there are still things that i cannot accept in this world.
but somehow i feel you proved me right on something.
though i wished it would never happen.
i'm beginning to see the whole picture now.
something that words could never explain.
i don't mind taking the blame, really.
so look, guess i'm back to square 1 all over again.
well, at least i'm not the only one.
then again, who am i to say anything huh.